Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A Kiss With A Fist Is Better Than None.

Hello reader!

I use an exclamation point to communicate how HAPPY I am. HOW EXCITED I AM!

I am neither. In fact, I'm Cunty (with a capital C) today and plan on remaining so for the rest of the day.

Ever have one of those days that you feel like your life is filled with Animals in Pants? At this point, I think that literally every facet of my life is populated by these perverse creatures that may as well be from the island of Dr. Moreau. I'm not even a cultural elitist, I just want to have a conversation with someone about a book or a play without ever getting into the subject of whether or not it's a "movie". I love movies, don't get me wrong. But the fact that all of this is so enveloping is awful. I am grateful for my job in the field, in many ways the perfect job for me to have as I pursue writing on my own, but Jesus H. Christ.

I am not a corporate person. I am not a "team player". I had to develop "leadership skills" in my 20s because more often than not on set I was confronted with absolutely insane situations that were somehow always blamed on me, usually by the person who fucked up, (I'm looking at you, First AD on every movie I ever worked on but ESPECIALLY the one where I was expected to GET 24 PRINCIPALS THROUGH HAIR AND MAKE UP IN 2 FUCKING HOURS - but props to Rose McGowan, Amanda Peet and the magnificent Sue Costello for not being pissy when they were in the middle of a Mess.) so then I would have to rally the troops to save my own skin. Luckily I have enough humor to trick people into thinking I care about them. That's their problem. You know you are in the wrong place when you have to lie about where you did your undergrad because it was somewhere they were rejected from when they applied, so now they automatically have a grudge against you. It's not my fault they're so boring, devoid of any genuine non-derivative personality traits and have absolutely nothing of interest to offer anyone, in any capacity whatsoever other than eating at whatever trough they pull up to in the strip-mall and have functioning reproductive organs to manufacture even more average people. How exciting. I hope their split-levels implode with their families in them. And if they keep having to trumpet how "proud" they are to have attended whatever second or third level school they went to, the lady doth protest too much.

There are second graders in the 9th ward with more native intelligence than the Pants-Animals, because they have had to navigate life and overcome real obstacles. The worst thing that has ever happened the Pants-Animals is they didn't have it in their size, whatever the fuck it was they were told they wanted.

Speaking of troughs - eating at expensive restaurants does not make anyone fancy, smart, or cultured. It just means that a lot of money was spent at a restaurant. And if the restaurant is Craft, money was just spent while being surrounded by agents. Terrific! Yes, I just contradicted my tirade about food-troughs. Shut up. I don't want to hear it. This is not a major publication where I have to worry about such things. Not even sure I would if it was a major publication.

Yoda didn't live in a swamp because he was hiding, he was just disgusted with everyone else.

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