Hmm.

I think I'm a drug addict. Oh well.

I just don't have the math.

I'm trying to wrap my head around Krasnikov tubes, as outlined in the Wikipedia, and I wish I knew more math.

Perez Hilton.

You know, I read Perez. I shouldn't, but I do. I tell myself, and everyone else, that it's part of my job to be up on that stuff. I could get it from different places. Perez is just easier. And it's entertaining.

Except for one thing.

He hates Jennifer Aniston. With a passion. I happen to think she's great. I have absolutely no idea why I feel this way, since I do not know the woman at all. I actually thought "The Rachel" was hideous. But there was just something about her that I connected with. I don't think that's unusual since there about 200 million of us on the planet who also would like to pretend that she's our bestie of besties. I spoke briefly to her ex Vince Vaughan on the phone a month or two ago. He was calling about a non-Aniston related matter, but I was rendered speechless, mostly because all I kept thinking over and over was "He dated Jenny A!"

Last year, or possibly the year before, I emailed Perez to ask him why he hates Jen so. After some back and forth and wheedling on my part he said that it was because she wasn't nice to her fans. There was also some sort thing about how she doesn't smile, and is fake or something, i.e. pretends to be nice when she isn't. The proof of this, if my memory of the exchange is accurate, is that she doesn't smile a lot. At paparazzi. You know, the people who follow her around and stalk her while she's trying to live her life in Mailbu, or wherever.

Is it me, or does that seem weird? I've always imagined the real reason is that maybe a frothing Perecito got a little too up in L'Aniston's grill at some party or event, and maybe she read him the riot act. Or, more than most likely, politely ignored him and moved away quickly. This would, understandably, lead to a crushed homosexual fan. Again, I have no basis for this imaginary scenario. Totally my conjecture. But doesn't it make sense? "Not nice to her fans." Perhaps one fan in particular?

The reason why any of this even came up was because of a post I just read on PH's blog - this one about Britney Spears. Apparently, Britney is also terrible. She uses drugs, she neglects her kids, she's unprofessional. In other words, she's like most people who has ever worked as an entertainer in this town. I'm not offering any excuses for Louisana's greatest export or her behavior, but the constant shock people express in regards to her exploits simply boggles the mind. It's as if we are all involved in some sort of internet role-playing game based on "The Scarlet Letter." At least in terms of the tone of our judgement of her for her crimes, if not for the actual crimes itself. Perez has had strong words for Britney in the past few weeks, mostly condmening. But the post I read today sort of irked me. In it, Perez is plugging an interview that Rolling Stone did with him, and in it he talks about how he now feels about her Britness:

"I feel lied to and cheated, like that girl I used to know and love wasn’t the real deal. It was all an act. And this is the real Britney. And the real Britney is stupid. Like stupid stupid. A dumb, druggie, awful bitch.”

You knew and loved? In what context? A few videos on TV and a snake dance on the VMAs? Perhaps they hung out, and did Webkinz together, I'm not sure. I know I like Webkinz, and would probably enjoy doing them with Britters. But I digress. But do try the Tile Towers game. Super fun. OK, anyway, he's plugging this interview RS did with him in his own blog. He has achieved a certain level of celebrity that no gossip reporter has ever achieved, perhaps eclipsing even the legendary Hedda Hopper. He is a perfect match for our current celebrity culture - fast, brash, and clearly he eats poorly. He makes no apologies for his brand of viciousness, and the irrefutable evidence (at least in terms of measured mouse clicks) is that we want him for his viciousness. He is one of the more visible symptoms of where we are as a culture. A rather not nice place.

He's not totally awful though. He's brought a lot of great music to the masses, and I know I love Leona Lewis because of him, and Paul Potts as well. I guess what seems funny to me about Perez is something that no one has brought up, even though it sticks out like his pink hair:

Has anyone else noticed he has one of the most ridiculous Madonna/Whore complexes of all time? I mean, I was raised Catholic, I get it. Once someone falls off the pedastal, they are terrible and dirty. In psychological circles, the more advanced cases of this little problem can be symptomatic of a little problem called Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not saying PH has such a disorder, I'm not his shrink. Not sure if he has one, even. A shrink or a disorder. But this constant admiration then followed by demolition of women really makes me a little uncomfortable. And the beating he gave Rumer Willis over her appearance? Or countless other women? And the fact that he insists on rating celebrties' wardrobes when he dresses himself like a psychodelic Cuban smurf is kind of funny. And on that tip, the whole "Hilton" of it all is sort of creepy, ultimately. I mean, he's an overweight sort of self-hating latino gay guy who has created an identity around a name that is simultaneously derived from the name of one of the whitest people around - the heiress Paris Hilton - while it is also pointing at him as a presumably inferior copy. I mean, if you are going to imitate an heiress, I'd say go with Patty Hearst, but that's just my taste in law-breaking socialites. I wonder if the adoration/misogyny problem is rooted in his being Cuban. Anyone who knows more about that sort of thing want to weigh in?

There's more to this rant, but I'm going to eat an apple and think about Jenny A. some more.

I do think Perez might be onto something when it comes to Gwyneth, though.

1234...

You know what? No one is trustworthy and everyone is fucking terrible.

I may just stop dating and go into hiding.