Friday, March 02, 2007

Emotional Weather Mapping

I think it would be funny for the nightly news to have something along the lines of a "Sanity Report" instead of the weather report. I mean, in LA, it's not really that important to know what the weather is. It's either sunny or the hills are on fire, or both. What I'm looking for is someone to tell me what my moods are going to be for the next few days so I can plan accordingly.

Something along the lines of:

"Well Tuck (or whatever newscaster fake name) it looks like we've got a heavy Existential Ennui front moving in from the Rockies. It buried Denver under 11 inches of dread for almost a week! It's gonna be sticking around here for a few days, so you should probably stay away from open windows and Bergman films. But as you can see here on our Channel 7 Dopple Mood-dar, we've got a nice Manic High moving in just in time for the weekend! Everything will seem shiny and very personally significant, and it will be a great time to get that backed up housecleaning done and forecast your income taxes for multiple businesses you have just thought of but will never start for the next 23 years. Those stacks of newspapers and magazines in your bedroom from all the way back to the 70's and have carried with you from multiple apartment moves won't know what hit them after you're done! That's the forecast for now. Back to you, Joyce."

I mean, wouldn't it just make life easier if we could pretend to know when the moods were going to attack?

And let's not get me started on my next program idea, "When Anxiety Attacks." That one is sure to be popular.


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