Monday

I am losing interest in my-self today.


It might be the end of January thing, the end of resolution season, or it could be the ongoing, creeping relaization that I am not getting any younger. I could drone on for a while about this, but the simple fact of the matter is I am aging, and there is nothing I can do about it. Cue "Sunrise, sunset."

Am I really just a freak? This is more self pity than I normally display here. I have a pen in my mouth because I want a cig. Let's not underestimate the effect of our good friend Nicotine Withdrawal. I'm also cold all the time. I didn't go to the gym this morning because I could not face walking so far to my car at 6am this morning. I also slept like shit last night, this is the second Monday in a row that this has happened, and I think it's because they have moved Galactica to this new, very retarded time. I would like them to put it back where it was. I guess they are trying to get people to watch the Dresden Files by putting it upfront of Galactica, but it just feels like someone in scheduling is trying to justify their title and paycheck by executing such a clumsy move.

I also want to start dating again, but probably have a good deal more work to do on me before I embark on that road to nowhere. I often make jokes about how I need someone to eviscerate emotionally by the summer, but I think it would more like I just need someone to fucking get it and not to be lame. But then again, that requires me stepping to the plate and not being so shut off, etc. etc.

Well, that's completely terrifying and I'm not so sure tha't going to happen this week. I've gotten by for years emotionally shut-off and self-absorbed, thank you very much indeed. But I suppose it's all related - the writing, the happiness, the dating, etc.

I shall wear my trousers rolled...