Friday, October 13, 2006

An Old Entry Illustrating How Neurotic I Really Can Be.

11/18/05 5:05 PM PST

Normally I write in this thing in the morning. But the urge to type on this has struck me now, so I might as well go ahead and do it. Why look a little bit of initiative in the mouth, right?

Speaking of initiative, it turns out that I graduated from AFI about five months ago. Whoops. Well, I was in classes until August, but the ceremony was in June. Sometimes I do miss it, but other times no. One of the odd things about school is that while it is something that provides a very "safe" feeling, it also makes me feel a little bit lonely. I was on capmus last night to do a table-read for some friends, and I looked out over the hill to the glittering carpet of city lights below. LA from that angle can be truly awe-inspiring and profoundly weird at the same time; it's very clear how much land has been taken away from the desert and turned into tract-housing. But somehow you don't think of all those little cookie-cutter houses when you see those lights at night. All you can see is the whole thing that is Hollywood, and the sounds of some radio broadcast ftom 1931 fills your ears. Then it passes, and the city looks like something out there that shimmers, hovers, and freezes. All at the same time.

I've been agressively entering the online dating world. I'm not just looking at the internet to be my source of no-attchment sex, I'm also looking now for it to provide some sort of real mate for me. How successful this will be remains to be seen. A few very nice people have begun interacting with me through emails, and I have comletely balked at meeting any of them. I guess that means that I am "not ready" as the shrinks say. We'll see.

I also need to stop eating every day like it's a bithday party as I am getting porkers. It's also been interesting to note that a suspicion I had that a group of people here at work were being inclusive of me because I have become attached at the hip to someone "popular" here on the floor was sadly confirmed. I went in for our now-normal lunch date with this group, the only difference bing that the aforementioned popular person is out of town. To say that the meal was incrdibly uncomfortable is putting it lightly. Everyone was polite, and incredibly strained and no one had any idea what to do with me as a free agent. I know that everyone is nice and just neurotic but I haven't had one of those experieces in some time. I decided instead of freaking out that I was just going to watch TV and hope for some warking up. It did, a bit, but not that much. Oh well. I don't hate anyone because of it, I just realized I'm not as "in-like-flynn" as I thought.

Like I said, hovers and freezes.


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