Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Wednesday

crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby crabby.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Monday

I am losing interest in my-self today.


It might be the end of January thing, the end of resolution season, or it could be the ongoing, creeping relaization that I am not getting any younger. I could drone on for a while about this, but the simple fact of the matter is I am aging, and there is nothing I can do about it. Cue "Sunrise, sunset."

Am I really just a freak? This is more self pity than I normally display here. I have a pen in my mouth because I want a cig. Let's not underestimate the effect of our good friend Nicotine Withdrawal. I'm also cold all the time. I didn't go to the gym this morning because I could not face walking so far to my car at 6am this morning. I also slept like shit last night, this is the second Monday in a row that this has happened, and I think it's because they have moved Galactica to this new, very retarded time. I would like them to put it back where it was. I guess they are trying to get people to watch the Dresden Files by putting it upfront of Galactica, but it just feels like someone in scheduling is trying to justify their title and paycheck by executing such a clumsy move.

I also want to start dating again, but probably have a good deal more work to do on me before I embark on that road to nowhere. I often make jokes about how I need someone to eviscerate emotionally by the summer, but I think it would more like I just need someone to fucking get it and not to be lame. But then again, that requires me stepping to the plate and not being so shut off, etc. etc.

Well, that's completely terrifying and I'm not so sure tha't going to happen this week. I've gotten by for years emotionally shut-off and self-absorbed, thank you very much indeed. But I suppose it's all related - the writing, the happiness, the dating, etc.

I shall wear my trousers rolled...

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I wish I had a river...

... Oh, you know the rest.


It's one of those days, still. It could be from the lack of quality sleep, again, or it could just be from the massive overdose of caffeine that I have had. I didn't exercise this morning because I overslept, so that's a drag.

Something strange, yet fundamental: I noticed last week that when I am thinking, I habitually put the thoughts into the second person, i.e. "You need to go to the store..." etc. Not in the first person, as in "I need to go to the store."

I wonder what that means? Oh the architecture of thought.

AGH

You know what would be fucking awesome? If people you had weirdness with in the 90's would just go the fuck away, and not keep popping up in the most random ways over and over and over again...

Especially if you have never really gotten over them.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The older I get...

... the more I believe that the secret to happiness is for people to watch very good movies about people doing very bad things.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Oh, more movies.

So, watched "Notes on a Scandal" again, and watched "The Queen." Both are good, but NOAS was by far my favorite. If not for the particulaly salacious nature of the story, just for the transcendent performance by Dame Judi. An emotionally stilted, sexually shut off lesbian stalker. Delightful.

Where does desire go after decades of unfulfillment? If it is a desire that seems so general, so very malformed, is it rather infulfilled? Incomplete? Is it really desire when one is seeking to dissolve into someone? Or something else entirely? An annihilation of the self through an unwavering focus on a target. Especially delicious when that target happens to be the ideal you've worked to achieve in yourself your whole life, but can only watch it recede further into the distance with each desperate, clawing grasp for it.

Please note the previous paragraph - and this sentence - should be read with a crisp British accent in mind. That will be all.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

People...




Go see Children Of Men. Real good. Depressing as hell, and I didn't need the failed-romance history, but it's really good.


"If you really strip it all away, the film is about the loss of hope. It is about hope ceasing to be real thing within people and my character, Theo, embodies that," says Clive Owen, who stars as Theo and he sees the journey of the reluctant hero, not as some futuristic fable, but a relevant ...even urgent ... commentary on today. "The human spirit is in a sense of hopelessness. Theo has given up. There is no point to anything and in the movie hope is re-awakened. Theo does become engaged again as a human being and there is something to fight for. That's why I would argue with anybody that says it's a very bleak, dark outlook of the future because you can relate to it. This film feels, to me, more relevant than a lot of films that are set right now in the present day."

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Ah, the grey days of Los Angeles.

America:


So it's cloudy and cold here in LA. I wonder if the global warming trends are going to create a Seattle-esque environment here. Since my car is still in the shop, I am getting rides to work from my friend Richard. I made up a song in the car today called "It's another cloudy day in depression town." I liked it very much.

I need to completely re-vamp my apartment. In the space of seven months it's become a total tchotchke shop, albeit a tasteful one. I just don't know what I am going to get rid of. The real issue is square footage.

I would like to sell three television shows and then move to a hot clime for six months, and take a lot of pictures. An exotic, colonially-problematic romance may not be out of the question either.

Can you tell that I am restless?

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Oy, the technology.

Blogger is being weird and re-directiony, so we'll see what that means.


I think the pre-industrial agrarian culture of our immediate ancestors is being replaced with one where data is grown and farmed as opposed to material goods.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Sunshine. Did it drop my IQ? Or am I just a snowflake?

I'm recovered from all my travels. I'm still taking today off though. I have a lot of errands to do. But in the meantime, I have a question to raise, and perhaps the question points more to the questioner than the answer.

I'm becoming frustrated with some of my friends. What, praytell, could create such frustration?

I'm beginning to feel that a few of the old guard have descended into that trap of dismissing the culturally popular as trash/stupid/intellectually insignificant claptrap etc. as if they are the first people to do so in the history of post-collegiate intellectualism. I wonder sometimes if these people are aware that I do, in fact, now work in the sphere of popular entertainment. I am not sure what I can do with people who refuse to acknowledge the possibility that a Hollywood remake of a foreign film could possibly be better than the original, even though the original was a meandering, plodding mess with a brilliant story premise. I guess it just comes down to criteria of what's "better," and if in fact these seperate things that come from such different places can be truly compared. And, of course, whether or not such comparisons are useful.

I suppose I monitor myself fairly constantly for slipping into irrelevancy of the soul because working in the film industry in Los Angeles can make anyone become a styrofoam snowflake floating in a very strange snowglobe. I definitely get caught in the swirling currents now and again, wheeling by the glitter and the shiny smiling faces, seeing the outside world distorted as through a curved pyrex window. But, as a little styrofoam snowflake I settle to the bottom as the currents ebb. As I gently float down, I can catch my breath and cast my eyes about me for what things have not been shaken by the movement of the globe. Look! That gingerbread house remains, as does that candy cane arch, and the plastic carolers in front of it. A few other familiar faces resolve out of the glittering snow, all points of reference to compare myself against until the globe is shaken again and I am swept back up into the blizzarding currents of air.

I despair of my friends who have not seen that they are in their own snowglobes. They may be different globes, but they are all on the same shelf as mine, have the same basic architechture, and they all contain within them the same terrible trap - all the fizzing glitter (showbiz or otherwise) can blind you to the other snowglobes on the shelf. Or that there is that little plug at the bottom of the globe you could pull out so you could drain the water out. If you want to, that is.