Saturday, October 14, 2006

An Old Entry about The Swan

10/26/04 9:29AM PST

What's it all about, Alfie?

I hear those words, and I am immediately transported to a breezy Bachrach world, in which Dionne Warwick (back when she was fab) takes my hand and we glide over green fields hazy with valium and cocktails.

That's what it's all about for me, how about you?

I watched the Swan last night for the first time, and I realized that the Biggest Loser is some sort of odd angry derivative of the Swan. I didn't do much reading on the Swan when it first went on the air, but someone's bright up the eerie similarites to the old game show "Queen for a Day," right? That was the old game show in which the female contestants would come on and talk about how horrible their lives were and then the audience decided who was going to get the washer/dryer combo based on cumulative misery scores .

Every contestant on the Swan has had a suck-o life. They pick two of the swans-to-be and send them through the bionic-woman process, and at the end, they are judged and one is selected to go on to a "beauty paegent" that will happen at the end. The women seemed to be matched in their rounds by the severities of their problems, or you would think that would be the logic.

Last night the girl who won her round was a burn victim. Yes America, a burn victim. I found it interesting that the only woman who was considered to be equal in horribleness to the burned white girl was the black woman with an "attitude." They both had Mommy issues.

Next week some woman whose life sucks is going up against a deaf girl who - if I followed the preview right - finds out she has cancer or her house has been destroyed in a flood or something. Who do you think will win that round?

I want a nose job.

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